three

My Job.

I wear this necklace every day. It has your name, your birth date. I rarely take it off. I seem to need it. I reach for it unconsciously all the time. Find my thoughts drift to you as I grasp the metal. Even more as September begins. I feel incomplete without it on. I feel incomplete without you.

I don’t like this month. As I feel it nearing, my emotions become more raw, closer to the surface.

It’s been three years. I don’t understand how. The days slip by so quickly.

And yet, I can still clearly see the stillness of that line as the wand hovered over your heart. I can feel the searing pain in my heart as the last contraction brought you silently into this world. One you would never open your eyes to see.

No, your eyes will only ever behold the glory of the eternal life your Father has set out for us. I know you have it better than any of us here.

But, oh sweet boy, I miss you. I will always miss you.

love, mama

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7 thoughts on “three

  1. This makes my heart break for you and all the mommies out there I know…and don’t know who have lost a baby. Hugs to you. Know I’m praying for u as u r grieving during this time, but I’m so grateful for your post. As I think I’ve shared with u, my cousin lost her baby recently and it rocked her world. Your advice was SO good and it made so much sense! Love you girl! Hugs to you and your babies while you are away!

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